I don't think it matters how old you get, there's nothing like that feeling of disappointment when you're really, really, looking forward to something and then you can't do it.
Or, in my case, as I get older (and very, slowly wiser)….make the sensible decision NOT to do something for the good of my own health. At the grand old age of 41, I'm finally learning two things:
1. My health is quite important
2. The world isn't going to come to a grinding halt if I say "no" - I mean, look how messed-up Brexit is, and the sun still rises and sets, right?
I'm not very good at saying "no" to things, or letting people down. As a self-confessed people pleaser and peace-keeper (and hoarder of the Bag of Guilt, that famous accessory of many a woman) - sometimes I say yes, when in all honesty, there needs to be a no.
I know this. So why is it so hard to put ourselves first?
Today is a case in point. I had been looking forward to going to Pride in Jersey with the fantastic team I work with for quite a few weeks. Childcare? Sorted? Weather? Looking good. Shoes? Chosen. I'd even forked out nine quid for my bespoke team Pride t-shirt (XL) and was looking forward to attacking the awfully unflattering high neck with a pair of scissors to create a flattering silhouette. Someone has brought me a plastic garland. I'd found the hold me in pants for my jeans. It was all systems go.
And then the asthma struck. Well, I should say sneaked, because that's what mine does. It's like a bit of an annoying, lazy monster. It sleeps soundly for most of the year. But then it wakes up. It looks at the calendar and senses changing weather. It senses stress. And when you get "changey weather" and a shit, emotional roller coaster of a week, rolled into one, it breaks out of it's slumber with a roar. Bastard.
I knew I was in trouble when climbing the stairs was an effort, and felt like an Everest summit, not 11 steps.
I knew I was in trouble when multiple doses of Ventolin didn't work and I was scouring the medicine box for a "rescue pack" of steroids at 11 pm last night, with wheezy noises.
So, here I am, two doses of steroids down, many inhaler puffs in, and I'm sitting down.
That, today, is all I am capable of. I am, as the new language goes, "mindfully practicing self-care."
I'm not sure I like that expression; it's sprung up like the phrase "Wellbeing" which has spawned itself across workplaces globally, along with the ghastly offer of yoga sessions for colleagues.
But, we need to call it something. And today, for the first time in many, many months, I have recognised it's importance.
Today, I wanted to have a great time and support my friends, have fun, soak up the atmosphere and enjoy the food village.
But it would have been a short-term win. I'd have had a great time.
But sometimes you have to listen to that quiet voice inside you which says that today, you need to change your plans.
Today, you need to sit in the garden with a magazine and a cup of tea.
Today, you need to watch Mad Men on Netflix.
Today, you need to rest.
Today, you need to be selfish.
Today, if you rest your weary, screaming lungs, which feel like they've got bags of sand in, you'll do yourself long-term good. Possibly even medium-term. I might avoid an A and E visit.
So, as I sat on my deckchair in the garden, staring at the drying washing, I took time to think. Steroids can be good for that.
I thought about saying no and why we don't say it more.
Do you realize how often we say "yes" when really we should say no? We battle with so much "noise" in this modern, busy life we lead. We stare at our laptops, we stare at our phones. We are glued to multiple social media channels. We don't give ourselves a break. Scrolling fretfully over social media is a form of saying "Yes". We are inviting other people's clutter, and images of their seemingly perfect lives, and all those passive aggressive memes we don't agree with - and the whinings and natterings of keyboard warriors - into ours.
Do we really need to say yes to that? I say we can say no.
It's a choice.
There's a reason I'm not on Instagram. And I know I'm not missing out on the "blessed" and "clean eating" and "gym" hashtags. You can keep it.
So, block the people who make you feel frazzled. You don't need to see them. Or rather, the snapshot they're choosing to show you.
If we have kids, we sometimes feel pressure to enrol them in activities when really, we just want to go home. We don't have to go to more than one birthday party in a day. We don't have to cram a child's day full of enrichment. Is your child loved, warm, clean and fed? Do you praise them and tell them you love them? Do you spend time with them? Does it matter if it's a free walk on the beacch, or a free play in a park? Are they enjoying themselves with you? Say yes to less "cramming" and more time.
What about you? Don't you deserve some free time while they have some free time at home? What would you do if you had some?
Away from kids, there's more. At the weekends, we don't need to make plans. We don't "have" to be doing. We can give ourselves permission to sit in the chair with a magazine. We can choose to say no, whether that's to things which drain our time, a toxic relationship, to friends we don't gel with anymore, to people who don't support us, to the job we don't like, to the way we look or what we eat. We can say no to the way people talk to us. I've done that recently. It was fantastic. We've got the power to change.
Saying no isn't selfish. Be bold and brave today, and say no when the voice inside is telling you not to say yes. Because it's doing it for a reason.
And, as the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup. And a cracked one isn't much good either. But a cup with a few tiny chips but pretty much whole? That's worth aiming for.
Or, in my case, as I get older (and very, slowly wiser)….make the sensible decision NOT to do something for the good of my own health. At the grand old age of 41, I'm finally learning two things:
1. My health is quite important
2. The world isn't going to come to a grinding halt if I say "no" - I mean, look how messed-up Brexit is, and the sun still rises and sets, right?
I'm not very good at saying "no" to things, or letting people down. As a self-confessed people pleaser and peace-keeper (and hoarder of the Bag of Guilt, that famous accessory of many a woman) - sometimes I say yes, when in all honesty, there needs to be a no.
I know this. So why is it so hard to put ourselves first?
Today is a case in point. I had been looking forward to going to Pride in Jersey with the fantastic team I work with for quite a few weeks. Childcare? Sorted? Weather? Looking good. Shoes? Chosen. I'd even forked out nine quid for my bespoke team Pride t-shirt (XL) and was looking forward to attacking the awfully unflattering high neck with a pair of scissors to create a flattering silhouette. Someone has brought me a plastic garland. I'd found the hold me in pants for my jeans. It was all systems go.
And then the asthma struck. Well, I should say sneaked, because that's what mine does. It's like a bit of an annoying, lazy monster. It sleeps soundly for most of the year. But then it wakes up. It looks at the calendar and senses changing weather. It senses stress. And when you get "changey weather" and a shit, emotional roller coaster of a week, rolled into one, it breaks out of it's slumber with a roar. Bastard.
I knew I was in trouble when climbing the stairs was an effort, and felt like an Everest summit, not 11 steps.
I knew I was in trouble when multiple doses of Ventolin didn't work and I was scouring the medicine box for a "rescue pack" of steroids at 11 pm last night, with wheezy noises.
So, here I am, two doses of steroids down, many inhaler puffs in, and I'm sitting down.
That, today, is all I am capable of. I am, as the new language goes, "mindfully practicing self-care."
I'm not sure I like that expression; it's sprung up like the phrase "Wellbeing" which has spawned itself across workplaces globally, along with the ghastly offer of yoga sessions for colleagues.
But, we need to call it something. And today, for the first time in many, many months, I have recognised it's importance.
Today, I wanted to have a great time and support my friends, have fun, soak up the atmosphere and enjoy the food village.
But it would have been a short-term win. I'd have had a great time.
But sometimes you have to listen to that quiet voice inside you which says that today, you need to change your plans.
Today, you need to sit in the garden with a magazine and a cup of tea.
Today, you need to watch Mad Men on Netflix.
Today, you need to rest.
Today, you need to be selfish.
Today, if you rest your weary, screaming lungs, which feel like they've got bags of sand in, you'll do yourself long-term good. Possibly even medium-term. I might avoid an A and E visit.
So, as I sat on my deckchair in the garden, staring at the drying washing, I took time to think. Steroids can be good for that.
I thought about saying no and why we don't say it more.
Do you realize how often we say "yes" when really we should say no? We battle with so much "noise" in this modern, busy life we lead. We stare at our laptops, we stare at our phones. We are glued to multiple social media channels. We don't give ourselves a break. Scrolling fretfully over social media is a form of saying "Yes". We are inviting other people's clutter, and images of their seemingly perfect lives, and all those passive aggressive memes we don't agree with - and the whinings and natterings of keyboard warriors - into ours.
Do we really need to say yes to that? I say we can say no.
It's a choice.
There's a reason I'm not on Instagram. And I know I'm not missing out on the "blessed" and "clean eating" and "gym" hashtags. You can keep it.
So, block the people who make you feel frazzled. You don't need to see them. Or rather, the snapshot they're choosing to show you.
If we have kids, we sometimes feel pressure to enrol them in activities when really, we just want to go home. We don't have to go to more than one birthday party in a day. We don't have to cram a child's day full of enrichment. Is your child loved, warm, clean and fed? Do you praise them and tell them you love them? Do you spend time with them? Does it matter if it's a free walk on the beacch, or a free play in a park? Are they enjoying themselves with you? Say yes to less "cramming" and more time.
What about you? Don't you deserve some free time while they have some free time at home? What would you do if you had some?
Away from kids, there's more. At the weekends, we don't need to make plans. We don't "have" to be doing. We can give ourselves permission to sit in the chair with a magazine. We can choose to say no, whether that's to things which drain our time, a toxic relationship, to friends we don't gel with anymore, to people who don't support us, to the job we don't like, to the way we look or what we eat. We can say no to the way people talk to us. I've done that recently. It was fantastic. We've got the power to change.
Saying no isn't selfish. Be bold and brave today, and say no when the voice inside is telling you not to say yes. Because it's doing it for a reason.
And, as the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup. And a cracked one isn't much good either. But a cup with a few tiny chips but pretty much whole? That's worth aiming for.
